I surveyed the room. Everyone was hanging out in their various cliques. Typical. Outcasts on the edges. I remember being one of them.
Another party my sister dragged me to. And promptly abandoned me in the middle of. I hunched and searched for a solid wall amid the cloud of people. Something to hold onto. Something that wouldn’t judge me. What was it with judgement, anyway? You can never see it. They never make it obvious. And yet it is. The quirk of an eyebrow- that’s all it takes. All it takes to tell you you’re out of it. Once you know that, a thousand of your flaws will flood your mind. Overtake you. Get me out of here. I shook away the memory. Those were the old days. I could never fit in. But if you don’t fit in, what do you do? You stand out. Use it. I watched him strut into the room. The instant he entered, the room was his. I don’t know how he did it, but every eye was rooted on him. He wasn’t wearing anything that could have remotely considered being in a magazine, but he wore it like it was better than any flimsy, waxy paper could portray. He owned that room. You stand out? Use it. “Heey, who’s feeling it tonight?” I rumble. Power. You gotta communicate it, or they’ll all quirk their funny little eyebrows. Power. Use it. Cheers from everyone. I’ve got the power. I own the room. Stand out? Use it. I watched him strut into the room like he owned it. Said something cheesy, everyone cheered. I rolled my eyes. Who does this guy think he is? I slink away from the wall I had been hunching on. The room stank of cheap perfume and barely concealed sweat. I could almost taste the fakeness. Fake. Everything was fake. I edged around the room filled with empty masks. Who knows who these people could have been if they didn’t have to put up a front? I closed my eyes for a moment, bowing my head as I slipped through the door. Artists, architects, who knows? But they’re out of childhood too early. A childhood of television and terrible role models. Wasted. I scrunched my eyes tighter and leaned against another wall. Society put us here. We grow up to be society. Repeat. How do you change that? Wasted. Not if I can help it.
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